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How to feel confident and accept that you are enough

Faye Spencer is a life coach and founder of Moxie Life Coaching UK. She lives in Birmingham and helps people to feel confident in themselves.

Moxie: (noun) determination, boldness, courage, nerve, oomph 

Here are six steps to discovering your inner moxie.

Stage 1: Accept that no-one is always confident

I have yet to encounter one single human that feels confident 100 per cent of the time. Even Michelle Obama and Emma Watson will wonder whether they’ve said or done the ‘right thing’.

Accept it’s normal to doubt yourself! We all experience ‘imposter syndrome’; we all feel like we’re winging it.

First step: don’t give yourself a hard time for not feeling confident enough. Breathe. You’re all good.

Stage 2: Be honest with yourself about when you shrink 

There are some situations you’ll feel more confident in than others.

Raise your awareness of which people, places and situations allow you to experience greater and lesser feelings of confidence.

What are the triggers that make you shrink? When are you on top of your game? Being honest and clear about this allows you to really get to know yourself.

Stage 3: Everything in life is a choice, and not choosing is a choice

Knowing your trigger points then gives you a choice: leave it in the shadows, avoid and carry on shrinking? Or, decide to do something to be the version of me that I want to be?

Taking responsibility for your own growth is a choice, and wow, knowing you get to choose what you do or how you feel is so freaking empowering, right?!

Stage 4: Make friends with your inner critic 

You know when it’s your ‘inner critic’ talking.

She say things like, ‘but, I can’t… What if I end up looking stupid?’ ‘I really should or else they will think…’ and the killer: ‘But, you’re just not ____ enough.’

The ‘____’ is any and all of the following: not good enough, not clever enough, beautiful enough, funny enough, thin enough, talented enough…

All the things you definitely are enough of, your inner critic tells you you couldn’t possibly be.

Her voice will likely always be there, wanting us to play it safe and stay small. Let’s just choose to turn the volume down…

Stage 5: Know that you are good enough

…and turn up the volume here to MAX!

Underneath the doubts, you are a vulnerable, brilliant, courageous, knowing, clear and strong young woman.

Imagine a time you were brave, when you said, or did. That’s the real you, just maybe she’s a bit quieter than your inner-critic friend.

Think about when you compliment a stranger and how much it makes her smile. Now do the same to yourself in the mirror.

You are worthy.

Stage 6: Fake it ’til you make it

Susan Jeffers (Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway) says that if we’re not making mistakes or feeling fear, we are not learning or growing. 

I ask you, ladies: If we’re not learning and growing, what exactly are we doing…? Staying in our safe, little comfort zone? At the cost of never experiencing anything or anyone new? That doesn’t sound like living to me. 

Which means we really only have one option: Force ourselves to do things we don’t (but we really do) want to do.

Fear will only stop when we’ve conquered whatever it is we were scared of doing.

Push your boundaries.

Choose to be the real version of you, because you are YOU, and that is your power.

Choose to show up, show the world what you’ve got and empower other ladies to do the same.

If you don’t believe it just yet, you will. Even if you have to fake it until you feel it!

If anything here has spoken to you, I’d be thrilled to hear your story! Email: or go to or  @moxielifecoaching on Facebook for words of inspiration.

Read more: Seven things I wish I’d known at school and college

Charlotte Harding
Charlotte Harding
Charlotte is a journalist and the co-founder of The Women's Work Collective.


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